I had my follow-up visit with my doctor for my sleep study today. I may have to find a new doctor.
She started off all gung-ho on the idea that i had sleep apnea that was preventing me from sleeping and that we should rush right out and get a Cpap machine for me. I pointed out to her that i actually slept LESS on the machine than i did off of it. She said "Well that was because you weren't used to the machine." I explained that the machine really didn't bother me all that much except a few times during the night. She said "Well, you're obviously a NUMBERS guy..." sly smile, pointing at the sheet of medical statistics that i keep for my doctors. "... but i'm talking about clinically."
Okay, first off, i'm a numbers guy when it is important to be a numbers guy. And it seems like with your health, numbers don't actually lie. So i produce the data and my doctor helps me to interpret it. Seems like about all that i CAN do. So i asked her... clinically... what is it about the sleep study that indicates use of a Cpap machine. She explained that i had less incidents of apnea on the machine than off of it. Excuse me, doctor, but isn't that NUMBERS? She said that without the machine i had 27 incidents. I said "How many did i have ON the machine?" So she starts looking through the results, and finally said that she couldn't really tell if it was better or the same or worse with the machine than without it. Honestly, i wasn't trying to back her into a corner, but i don't want to go through the time, expense and trouble of getting set up with one of these machines if it's not going to help.
Something that i forgot in my blog about the second night... when i woke up a little after two, i had terrible heartburn. This is not something that usually happens to me. I get heartburn so rarely that i can't remember the last time, and i can't EVER remember a time of it being this bad. She said that it could be "silent acid reflux". An article on this can be found here: http://ezinearticles.com/?Silent-Acid-Reflux&id=266723.
So, at the end of the appointment, she gave me a prescription for Pepcid, and i have no better idea of why i'm not sleeping now than i did before.
You are not alone.
Randal
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Sleep Study Night Two
The second night of the sleep study started off more or less like the first night. One change is that my sleep tech this night was a lovely youngster name Sarah. Another change, because they were now convinced that my problem was sleep apnea, is that they added a Cpap mask to the mix.
The first mask that they tried… also the smallest and least obtrusive… was a small canula-type that basically covered the bottom of my nose. So I test-drove that one by laying and watching TV with it turned on for a while. The problem was that I sounded like Darth Vader when I breathed. So I asked Sarah to come in and trade it out.
We skipped the intermediate-size mask and went straight to the largest which covered my entire nose and mouth. This mask was nice and quiet, and, once I got the trick of exhaling, more comfortable than you might think.
So I went to sleep.
I woke up a couple of times, like I always do. Finally I started to drift in and out of sleep, very thirsty. The problem with this type of mask is that it's very difficult to remove on your own. Apparently the home version has a mask that can be removed more easily. Finally, when I felt a small amount of cold drool seep out from under the corner of the mask, I called Sarah, who came in and took in off for me. I decided to go to the bathroom while I was there. Sarah told me something that the young man before hadn't… there was a strap like a purse strap on the small machine that I had to bring into the bathroom with me. Made using the toilet much easier when I could just swing the strap over my shoulder, and hold it behind me.
I got my drink, got my mask readjusted, and found out from Sarah that it was about 2 AM. This time, though, I was actually able to get back to sleep successfully. The next time that I remember waking up was when Sarah came in a little after five to turn my lamp on.
I actually did feel reasonably rested… but I do sometimes. So it was hard for me to judge how much the oxygen helped.
I went home, and, as I started waking up a little, actually started to feel a little more energized. I did some housework, wrote a little, and then started to feel a little more tired. So I lay down on the couch to watch a movie. When I realized that I was nodding off, I turned the movie off, thinking that I would take a short nap. I woke up for good (I had had several "arousals") about two hours later, feeling like someone had beaten me with a baseball bat wrapped in foam as I frequently do after a nap. So I started to doubt the Cpap machine's efficiency.
When I got the results, I REALLY had reason to doubt.
My total sleep time on the mask was down to 3 hours and 39 minutes. Just under 2 hours in stage 1, an hour and a half in stage 2 and none in stage 3/4 again. Both nights I got about sixteen minutes in REM sleep. And my number of arousals had almost doubled to 220.
I haven't spoken to my doc yet, but this makes the Cpap mask seem like an absolute bust to me.
You are not alone.
Randal
The first mask that they tried… also the smallest and least obtrusive… was a small canula-type that basically covered the bottom of my nose. So I test-drove that one by laying and watching TV with it turned on for a while. The problem was that I sounded like Darth Vader when I breathed. So I asked Sarah to come in and trade it out.
We skipped the intermediate-size mask and went straight to the largest which covered my entire nose and mouth. This mask was nice and quiet, and, once I got the trick of exhaling, more comfortable than you might think.
So I went to sleep.
I woke up a couple of times, like I always do. Finally I started to drift in and out of sleep, very thirsty. The problem with this type of mask is that it's very difficult to remove on your own. Apparently the home version has a mask that can be removed more easily. Finally, when I felt a small amount of cold drool seep out from under the corner of the mask, I called Sarah, who came in and took in off for me. I decided to go to the bathroom while I was there. Sarah told me something that the young man before hadn't… there was a strap like a purse strap on the small machine that I had to bring into the bathroom with me. Made using the toilet much easier when I could just swing the strap over my shoulder, and hold it behind me.
I got my drink, got my mask readjusted, and found out from Sarah that it was about 2 AM. This time, though, I was actually able to get back to sleep successfully. The next time that I remember waking up was when Sarah came in a little after five to turn my lamp on.
I actually did feel reasonably rested… but I do sometimes. So it was hard for me to judge how much the oxygen helped.
I went home, and, as I started waking up a little, actually started to feel a little more energized. I did some housework, wrote a little, and then started to feel a little more tired. So I lay down on the couch to watch a movie. When I realized that I was nodding off, I turned the movie off, thinking that I would take a short nap. I woke up for good (I had had several "arousals") about two hours later, feeling like someone had beaten me with a baseball bat wrapped in foam as I frequently do after a nap. So I started to doubt the Cpap machine's efficiency.
When I got the results, I REALLY had reason to doubt.
My total sleep time on the mask was down to 3 hours and 39 minutes. Just under 2 hours in stage 1, an hour and a half in stage 2 and none in stage 3/4 again. Both nights I got about sixteen minutes in REM sleep. And my number of arousals had almost doubled to 220.
I haven't spoken to my doc yet, but this makes the Cpap mask seem like an absolute bust to me.
You are not alone.
Randal
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sleep Study Night One
I arrived at the sleep institute at nine pm, right when I was supposed to. I like to be prompt.
The reception area looked pretty much like any other medical office reception area that I've been in. I was met at the door by a young lady who led me back to my room. I was told by my doctor that I could expect something like a small hotel room, which is exactly what I found. A queen-size bed, two end tables, a lamp, a television with Direct TV and a ¾ bath. And, of course, the machines. I will say this... the machines were much smaller than I expected them to be. There was basically one small unit that would spend the night under my pillow, and a larger unit stuffed discretely under one of the end tables.
My sleep tech came in to hook me up. I feel bad that I can't remember his name, and frankly forgot it soon after he told it to me.
As I watched “The Office” on TV, he hooked up two electrodes to each shin, two on my upper chest, one behind each ear, one on either side of my forehead, two on top of my head and then two straps around my chest to hold it all together, with four cables coming from these. I think.
At ten o'clock, feeling a little like a child being tucked in (especially since I was wearing Superman jammies), my tech put me to bed, stuffing the sensor unit under the other pillow. He told me that if I needed anything, I should just speak out – they had an intercom in my room. After he turned the light off and left, he came back on the intercom to run me through a series of simple motions to make sure that the sensors were reading right. Lights out: 10:15 pm.
Now let me tell you a few things... first off, I don't know how they expect to get any insight into your normal sleep patterns in this environment. I normally sleep with my cat – there was no cat. I normally sleep nude – they required me to wear jammies (for their comfort, I think... they were watching me all night on night vision). It was an unfamiliar bed. There was no light, even in the morning once the lights went off. And, of course, the electrodes. I will say that the electrodes were not as uncomfortable as you might think. And a friend of mine years ago helped me teach myself to pretty much ignore any physical discomfort so that I can always get SOME sleep, regardless of where I am. For years, as a teenager, to teach myself this, I slept on a wooden plank with no pillow. As a result, even if I wind up crashing on the floor, I can get at least a little sleep and keep functioning.
My form of insomnia is typically what they call “frequent wakefulness”, which means that I rarely have trouble FALLING asleep, but always have trouble STAYING asleep. So I fell out pretty quickly. I woke up several times during the night (although I would not know how many until the next day), but always managed to get back to sleep after a change of position, or a drink of water, or whatever. Finally, started to drift in and out of sleep with a need to urinate. Had I been at home, I probably would have just gotten up the second or third time that I drifted into consciousness. But here I encountered a problem. I had, as I mentioned, forgotten the young man's name, and needed him to disconnect me so that I could go. I didn't just want to yell “HEY!” at the intercom, so I continued drifting in and out of sleep, annoyed at myself. I knew that they knew that I was awake, and wished that they would just ask if anything was wrong. Finally I cleared my throat, and said “Good morning?” Bless his heart, he came on and asked if everything was okay. I told him that I had to go to the bathroom, and he came in and disconnected the little machine from the big machine. So I carried the little machine into the bathroom with my eight hundred or so wires leading from it, and tried to do what I was there to do while holding this machine in my left hand and struggling not to pee on any of the wires.
I went back to bed and asked the tech what time it was as he hooked me back up. He said "About 3:15." I thanked him for his help, and he left.
I lay there.
And lay there.
And lay there.
Completely and totally unable to go back to sleep.
Finally, at about five fifteen, he came in and told me that I hadn't slept since he was last in there (like I hadn't realized). I got up, showered the electrode crap out of my hair and went home.
When it's all said and done, I wound up getting about four hours and fifteen minutes of sleep, while it is recommended that adults get 7 to 8 hours. It took me 24 minutes to get to sleep, which she said was pretty good, and 85 minutes to get into REM sleep, which was about average. Here's where it starts getting weird for me.
Stage 1 sleep is defined as presleep. The average adult spends 5% of their sleep time here. I spent 23.6%.
Stage 2 sleep is "full" sleep. This is where most people spend most of their time, and I hit this target very close. The average is 55%, and I was there for 60.5%.
Stage 3/4 sleep is, according to a source that I found, where you really get deep rest and rejuvenation. Most adults spend about 20% of their sleep time here. I spent none. 0.0%.
A sleep arousal is defined as a shift from deep to light sleep or to wakefulness. I can't find any information on what an average number of arousals per night is, but I had 113, which seems like a lot. Could explain why I feel like I'm always waking up.
Tomorrow I'll post my second night with the Cpap mask.
You are not alone.
Randal
The reception area looked pretty much like any other medical office reception area that I've been in. I was met at the door by a young lady who led me back to my room. I was told by my doctor that I could expect something like a small hotel room, which is exactly what I found. A queen-size bed, two end tables, a lamp, a television with Direct TV and a ¾ bath. And, of course, the machines. I will say this... the machines were much smaller than I expected them to be. There was basically one small unit that would spend the night under my pillow, and a larger unit stuffed discretely under one of the end tables.
My sleep tech came in to hook me up. I feel bad that I can't remember his name, and frankly forgot it soon after he told it to me.
As I watched “The Office” on TV, he hooked up two electrodes to each shin, two on my upper chest, one behind each ear, one on either side of my forehead, two on top of my head and then two straps around my chest to hold it all together, with four cables coming from these. I think.
At ten o'clock, feeling a little like a child being tucked in (especially since I was wearing Superman jammies), my tech put me to bed, stuffing the sensor unit under the other pillow. He told me that if I needed anything, I should just speak out – they had an intercom in my room. After he turned the light off and left, he came back on the intercom to run me through a series of simple motions to make sure that the sensors were reading right. Lights out: 10:15 pm.
Now let me tell you a few things... first off, I don't know how they expect to get any insight into your normal sleep patterns in this environment. I normally sleep with my cat – there was no cat. I normally sleep nude – they required me to wear jammies (for their comfort, I think... they were watching me all night on night vision). It was an unfamiliar bed. There was no light, even in the morning once the lights went off. And, of course, the electrodes. I will say that the electrodes were not as uncomfortable as you might think. And a friend of mine years ago helped me teach myself to pretty much ignore any physical discomfort so that I can always get SOME sleep, regardless of where I am. For years, as a teenager, to teach myself this, I slept on a wooden plank with no pillow. As a result, even if I wind up crashing on the floor, I can get at least a little sleep and keep functioning.
My form of insomnia is typically what they call “frequent wakefulness”, which means that I rarely have trouble FALLING asleep, but always have trouble STAYING asleep. So I fell out pretty quickly. I woke up several times during the night (although I would not know how many until the next day), but always managed to get back to sleep after a change of position, or a drink of water, or whatever. Finally, started to drift in and out of sleep with a need to urinate. Had I been at home, I probably would have just gotten up the second or third time that I drifted into consciousness. But here I encountered a problem. I had, as I mentioned, forgotten the young man's name, and needed him to disconnect me so that I could go. I didn't just want to yell “HEY!” at the intercom, so I continued drifting in and out of sleep, annoyed at myself. I knew that they knew that I was awake, and wished that they would just ask if anything was wrong. Finally I cleared my throat, and said “Good morning?” Bless his heart, he came on and asked if everything was okay. I told him that I had to go to the bathroom, and he came in and disconnected the little machine from the big machine. So I carried the little machine into the bathroom with my eight hundred or so wires leading from it, and tried to do what I was there to do while holding this machine in my left hand and struggling not to pee on any of the wires.
I went back to bed and asked the tech what time it was as he hooked me back up. He said "About 3:15." I thanked him for his help, and he left.
I lay there.
And lay there.
And lay there.
Completely and totally unable to go back to sleep.
Finally, at about five fifteen, he came in and told me that I hadn't slept since he was last in there (like I hadn't realized). I got up, showered the electrode crap out of my hair and went home.
When it's all said and done, I wound up getting about four hours and fifteen minutes of sleep, while it is recommended that adults get 7 to 8 hours. It took me 24 minutes to get to sleep, which she said was pretty good, and 85 minutes to get into REM sleep, which was about average. Here's where it starts getting weird for me.
Stage 1 sleep is defined as presleep. The average adult spends 5% of their sleep time here. I spent 23.6%.
Stage 2 sleep is "full" sleep. This is where most people spend most of their time, and I hit this target very close. The average is 55%, and I was there for 60.5%.
Stage 3/4 sleep is, according to a source that I found, where you really get deep rest and rejuvenation. Most adults spend about 20% of their sleep time here. I spent none. 0.0%.
A sleep arousal is defined as a shift from deep to light sleep or to wakefulness. I can't find any information on what an average number of arousals per night is, but I had 113, which seems like a lot. Could explain why I feel like I'm always waking up.
Tomorrow I'll post my second night with the Cpap mask.
You are not alone.
Randal
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
What is Insomnia?
Insomnia, at its simplest form, is an inability to get restful sleep. I get a little angry when i hear someone who consistently stays up too late partying or watching TV refer to him or herself as an insomniac. An insomniac strives and struggles for sleep, and simply can't get it. No matter how early we go to bed, no matter how long we STAY in bed, it simply doesn't come.
And i'm not saying that there are no lifestyle causes for insomnia, either. There are. Excessive alcohol, caffeine or nicotine consumption can cause insomnia. Or consumption of any of these things too close to bedtime. For instance, i am a cigar smoker. Ideally, i like to smoke one or two cigars per day. Right now, because of financial constraints, i am smoking approximately one every other day. Today is my day to smoke a cigar, but i KNOW from personal experience that doing so increases my alertness. Since i'm going to be working at my "day" job from 11 this morning to 7:30 tonight, and will therefore not be home until around 8, and unable to smoke a cigar until an hour or two before bedtime tonight, i am smoking my cigar right now, at 9:16 in the morning. Probably not a good idea if you like to have a drink. If i decide to have a drink today, then i'll probably have it right after i get home, while i'm preparing dinner. That way i'll be done with it and it will have time to metabolize several hours before bedtime. If you like caffeine, then it would probably be to your advantage to reduce your caffeine consumption throughout the day and switch to decaf several hours before bed. As far as i know, too, these things accrue in your system. So if, like a former co-worker of mine, you tend to drink five or six 64-ounce soda pops during the day, switching to decaf shortly before bedtime probably won't help, because it will take longer than that to metabolize the caffeine that's already there.
What causes insomnia? This is where we really run into trouble, because there are MANY possible causes of insomnia, and narrowing down what is causing it in any individual case can be extremely difficult and time consuming. Another fun thing that i deal with is migraine headaches. After years of being on a narcotic pain killer for my migraines, which was a temporary fix, more of a band-aid than a real cure, i finally hooked up with a doctor who explained the CAUSES of migraines to me, and i was able to work through them until i could figure out what my triggers were and how to avoid them.
Psychological triggers for insomnia include anxiety, stress and depression. So the question is how do you avoid anxiety, stress and depression? The short answer is... you really can't. But what you CAN do is learn to cope with these things so that they don't eat you up. For instance, if you suffer depression, you can see a mental health professional to get help in coping with it day to day, and/or see your doctor about getting on meds. Anxiety and stress are harder, because these things are part of the makeup of human nature, and you can't always eliminate the causes of anxiety or stress. What has always helped me with these is my own personal version of the serenity prayer. " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; wisdom to know the difference; and strength to accept your answer to these when it is offered." And don’t simply SAY this… LIVE it. It is very, very difficult to accept that there are things that are simply out of your control. In other words… don't worry about it.
I read a book on insomnia several years ago by Dr. Deepak Chopra, and one of the excellent tips that he gave was to take control of your train of thought before it runs off the rails (my interpretation of his words). For instance, one of my big stressers for several years has been money. I value time more than I do money, so I struggle to find the balance between working to earn money and spending time doing the things that I love that do not bring money into my life (like writing this blog). So when I find myself laying in bed thinking of my financial difficulties, I redirect those thoughts to be about things that I enjoy instead. So I may start thinking about a story that I'm writing, where the story is going and how I can get there. This relaxes me and I am able, ultimately to fall asleep. Think about your spouse, your kids, a movie that you particularly like, whatever works for you.
There can also be physical causes for insomnia. In women, for instance, hormone changes can cause sleeplessness. Which means that women on their period, women going through menopause, and pregnant women are prone to insomnia. Also, any medical condition or medication that causes discomfort or raises the blood pressure can cause insomnia.
Probably the two most common physical causes of insomnia, though, are apnea (where a person stops breathing for a period of time during sleep) and restless leg syndrome (where the legs start to shake or move during sleep). Apnea may be solved with a Cpap mask, and there are medications for restless leg syndrome. For some people, this is enough.
And then there are obvious things like uncomfortable beds, noisy or bright environments, night work, etc. Some of these can be fixed, some can't. And sometimes, like in my case, you can get a more comfortable bed, move to a quieter neighborhood and get a light-blocking shade… and STILL not be able to sleep.
Here's one tip that I'm sure is going to piss SOMEBODY off, but I find that it works miracles when I'm having a hard time falling asleep. Doesn't do anything to KEEP me asleep, but if you're problem is that you just can't fall asleep, try masturbating. Seriously. All the way. Orgasm releases all kinds of endorphins in the brain to relax you and get you into the groove. And I'm not talking about sex. Sex is great, I love sex, but get your partner to sit this dance out, if you have one. This should be utterly selfish "you" time. Get it on, get off, get to sleep. As great as sex with a partner is, it is just not as relaxing as sex with yourself. Seriously. I'm not kidding.
And remember, despite what I just said, always remember…
You are not alone.
Randal
And i'm not saying that there are no lifestyle causes for insomnia, either. There are. Excessive alcohol, caffeine or nicotine consumption can cause insomnia. Or consumption of any of these things too close to bedtime. For instance, i am a cigar smoker. Ideally, i like to smoke one or two cigars per day. Right now, because of financial constraints, i am smoking approximately one every other day. Today is my day to smoke a cigar, but i KNOW from personal experience that doing so increases my alertness. Since i'm going to be working at my "day" job from 11 this morning to 7:30 tonight, and will therefore not be home until around 8, and unable to smoke a cigar until an hour or two before bedtime tonight, i am smoking my cigar right now, at 9:16 in the morning. Probably not a good idea if you like to have a drink. If i decide to have a drink today, then i'll probably have it right after i get home, while i'm preparing dinner. That way i'll be done with it and it will have time to metabolize several hours before bedtime. If you like caffeine, then it would probably be to your advantage to reduce your caffeine consumption throughout the day and switch to decaf several hours before bed. As far as i know, too, these things accrue in your system. So if, like a former co-worker of mine, you tend to drink five or six 64-ounce soda pops during the day, switching to decaf shortly before bedtime probably won't help, because it will take longer than that to metabolize the caffeine that's already there.
What causes insomnia? This is where we really run into trouble, because there are MANY possible causes of insomnia, and narrowing down what is causing it in any individual case can be extremely difficult and time consuming. Another fun thing that i deal with is migraine headaches. After years of being on a narcotic pain killer for my migraines, which was a temporary fix, more of a band-aid than a real cure, i finally hooked up with a doctor who explained the CAUSES of migraines to me, and i was able to work through them until i could figure out what my triggers were and how to avoid them.
Psychological triggers for insomnia include anxiety, stress and depression. So the question is how do you avoid anxiety, stress and depression? The short answer is... you really can't. But what you CAN do is learn to cope with these things so that they don't eat you up. For instance, if you suffer depression, you can see a mental health professional to get help in coping with it day to day, and/or see your doctor about getting on meds. Anxiety and stress are harder, because these things are part of the makeup of human nature, and you can't always eliminate the causes of anxiety or stress. What has always helped me with these is my own personal version of the serenity prayer. " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; wisdom to know the difference; and strength to accept your answer to these when it is offered." And don’t simply SAY this… LIVE it. It is very, very difficult to accept that there are things that are simply out of your control. In other words… don't worry about it.
I read a book on insomnia several years ago by Dr. Deepak Chopra, and one of the excellent tips that he gave was to take control of your train of thought before it runs off the rails (my interpretation of his words). For instance, one of my big stressers for several years has been money. I value time more than I do money, so I struggle to find the balance between working to earn money and spending time doing the things that I love that do not bring money into my life (like writing this blog). So when I find myself laying in bed thinking of my financial difficulties, I redirect those thoughts to be about things that I enjoy instead. So I may start thinking about a story that I'm writing, where the story is going and how I can get there. This relaxes me and I am able, ultimately to fall asleep. Think about your spouse, your kids, a movie that you particularly like, whatever works for you.
There can also be physical causes for insomnia. In women, for instance, hormone changes can cause sleeplessness. Which means that women on their period, women going through menopause, and pregnant women are prone to insomnia. Also, any medical condition or medication that causes discomfort or raises the blood pressure can cause insomnia.
Probably the two most common physical causes of insomnia, though, are apnea (where a person stops breathing for a period of time during sleep) and restless leg syndrome (where the legs start to shake or move during sleep). Apnea may be solved with a Cpap mask, and there are medications for restless leg syndrome. For some people, this is enough.
And then there are obvious things like uncomfortable beds, noisy or bright environments, night work, etc. Some of these can be fixed, some can't. And sometimes, like in my case, you can get a more comfortable bed, move to a quieter neighborhood and get a light-blocking shade… and STILL not be able to sleep.
Here's one tip that I'm sure is going to piss SOMEBODY off, but I find that it works miracles when I'm having a hard time falling asleep. Doesn't do anything to KEEP me asleep, but if you're problem is that you just can't fall asleep, try masturbating. Seriously. All the way. Orgasm releases all kinds of endorphins in the brain to relax you and get you into the groove. And I'm not talking about sex. Sex is great, I love sex, but get your partner to sit this dance out, if you have one. This should be utterly selfish "you" time. Get it on, get off, get to sleep. As great as sex with a partner is, it is just not as relaxing as sex with yourself. Seriously. I'm not kidding.
And remember, despite what I just said, always remember…
You are not alone.
Randal
Monday, February 8, 2010
Introduction and Disclaimer
Hello.
Some of you may know me from my other blogs, Randal's Rambles and The Journey. Some may not. To all of you, welcome.
I have been an insomniac as far back as i can remember. The earliest times that i can remember not being able to sleep were my middle teens. But like i tell people... when you can't sleep at 15, it's pretty cool; when you can't sleep at 25 it's still all right; when you can't sleep at 35, it's starting to get really old; when you can't sleep at 45, you've had enough.
I went in for my first sleep studies the other night. Night one without a Cpap (continuous positive airway pressure) mask, the second night with. I will post descriptions of those two nights later. For the moment, let me say that i had absolutely no idea how bad my insomnia was before i did these sleep studies.
Charles Bukowski said "These words i write keep me from total madness." I will say that writing is one of my ways of dealing with my insomnia, so in effect, these words serve the same function for me. So i decided that i will keep this blog in the hopes of educating people, entertaining people and keeping track of my own journey for me. I will write about what insomnia is, how it's treated, and how to avoid it if you can. Most of all, i'm writing it for my fellow insomniacs. I'm writing it so that you know, as i will end every blog entry, you are not alone. From talking to fellow insomniacs, i know that the feeling of aloneness that i suffer is not mine... i am not alone. Almost every insomniac that i've ever spent any time with... or anyone i know who has suffered temporary insomnia for a long enough time... feels the same way. When you're talking to someone who got seven or eight hours of sleep the previous night, it is impossible to describe to them what it is to hate your bed. To go to bed KNOWING that you're just going to lay there with your eyes closed, trying your damndest to go to sleep, like a child waiting for Santa, and knowing that if it DOES come, it will probably take a long, long time.
So here's my disclaimer... i am going to present information on this blog as i understand it. If i fuck up, then it is my fuck up and i own it. If anyone would like to correct me on FACTUAL errors, please do. I want to disseminate information, not misinformation. If you want to take me to school for disagreeing with your opinion, please don't. We used to say when we were kids "Opinions are like assholes: everyone's got one and they ALL stink." So please don't try to bully me into agreeing with yours. But, if you are a fellow insomniac who wants to add something via comment, please do. I think that the best way for us to get through this is to realize that WE ARE NOT ALONE! We also have allies among the sleepers who are trying to help us, so if you're a sleeper who wants to pitch in your POSITIVE, CONSTRUCTIVE two cents worth, please do.
Okay.
Tomorrow, i'll really start the ball rolling here with a description of insomnia, and an explanation of what insomnia ISN'T to the best of my abilities.
You are not alone.
Randal
Some of you may know me from my other blogs, Randal's Rambles and The Journey. Some may not. To all of you, welcome.
I have been an insomniac as far back as i can remember. The earliest times that i can remember not being able to sleep were my middle teens. But like i tell people... when you can't sleep at 15, it's pretty cool; when you can't sleep at 25 it's still all right; when you can't sleep at 35, it's starting to get really old; when you can't sleep at 45, you've had enough.
I went in for my first sleep studies the other night. Night one without a Cpap (continuous positive airway pressure) mask, the second night with. I will post descriptions of those two nights later. For the moment, let me say that i had absolutely no idea how bad my insomnia was before i did these sleep studies.
Charles Bukowski said "These words i write keep me from total madness." I will say that writing is one of my ways of dealing with my insomnia, so in effect, these words serve the same function for me. So i decided that i will keep this blog in the hopes of educating people, entertaining people and keeping track of my own journey for me. I will write about what insomnia is, how it's treated, and how to avoid it if you can. Most of all, i'm writing it for my fellow insomniacs. I'm writing it so that you know, as i will end every blog entry, you are not alone. From talking to fellow insomniacs, i know that the feeling of aloneness that i suffer is not mine... i am not alone. Almost every insomniac that i've ever spent any time with... or anyone i know who has suffered temporary insomnia for a long enough time... feels the same way. When you're talking to someone who got seven or eight hours of sleep the previous night, it is impossible to describe to them what it is to hate your bed. To go to bed KNOWING that you're just going to lay there with your eyes closed, trying your damndest to go to sleep, like a child waiting for Santa, and knowing that if it DOES come, it will probably take a long, long time.
So here's my disclaimer... i am going to present information on this blog as i understand it. If i fuck up, then it is my fuck up and i own it. If anyone would like to correct me on FACTUAL errors, please do. I want to disseminate information, not misinformation. If you want to take me to school for disagreeing with your opinion, please don't. We used to say when we were kids "Opinions are like assholes: everyone's got one and they ALL stink." So please don't try to bully me into agreeing with yours. But, if you are a fellow insomniac who wants to add something via comment, please do. I think that the best way for us to get through this is to realize that WE ARE NOT ALONE! We also have allies among the sleepers who are trying to help us, so if you're a sleeper who wants to pitch in your POSITIVE, CONSTRUCTIVE two cents worth, please do.
Okay.
Tomorrow, i'll really start the ball rolling here with a description of insomnia, and an explanation of what insomnia ISN'T to the best of my abilities.
You are not alone.
Randal
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